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I think that might be the first time I've ever sworn out loud, at someone.
Normally those kinds of words feel so odd coming out of my mouth, but at that time, for the first time in my life, it felt natural.

What the heck is happening to me?



I know I've got it better than most,
and I appreciate all that I have in life,
but it seems like some things here aren't getting better like I hoped they would.

He doesn't yell at me as much as he used to,
but that doesn't make it any less terrifying when he does.
He doesn't hit me anymore,
but I still flinch when he approaches me.

Can I even call it abuse? He just gets a little too mad at me sometimes.
He doesn't undermine me, or call me worthless,
and I know he's doing what he does because he cares.

But when I don't do what he says and he calls it "defiant",
I know he doesn't understand me as well as I wish he would.



Then again, when I didn't have time to make a lunch,
because he was yelling me out the door,
the generosity of a friend let me get through to 6th period without passing out.
I think this is the most personal poem I've ever written.

And sadly, yes, this is very directly based on a true story. Or is a true story, I suppose.
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:iconshadowclipseavi:
ShadowClipseAVi Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If you have negative emotions you should try to let it out.
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:icondeli73123:
deli73123 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Student General Artist
Well, what did you think this is? It's in the title.
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:iconshadowclipseavi:
ShadowClipseAVi Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know, but sometimes words aren't as clear as actions, and vice versa.
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:icondeli73123:
deli73123 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Student General Artist
Trust me, I know keeping emotions bottled up isn't a good thing.
It's an effect I like to call emotional constipation. Because it's like when you hold your shit in for too long and then it hurts to get it out.
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:iconshadowclipseavi:
ShadowClipseAVi Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know very well how that feels.
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:icondeli73123:
deli73123 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Student General Artist
I guess you could say it's a... crappy feeling.
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:iconshadowclipseavi:
ShadowClipseAVi Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You just had to go there....
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:icondeli73123:
deli73123 Featured By Owner Edited Mar 5, 2015  Student General Artist
Of course.

Really, now, what did you expect? xD
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March 5, 2015
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